If someone I'm working with compliments me for asking the question "Why are you in this business?" it's the kind of response that makes me feel like I had just walked two city blocks with a pebble in my shoe. We were at the point where my client was struggling to complete his business objectives, despite the amount of time we had put into them. After failing to follow through on a number of commitments he had agreed to complete over the past several meetings, it was time to revisit the pebble in my shoe. I asked him two questions, "why did you choose this business and what about it makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning?" He once again avoided answering the question telling me he really needed more time.
Our next meeting rolled around and I began by asking him the same two questions. He began to respond, but stopped in mid sentence appearing agitated at the thought of answering. And then said he, wasn't ready to discuss it. We moved through the rest of the agenda and agreed on a time for our next scheduled meeting. It was clear that the pebble had grown into an obstacle to our being able to move forward.
Over the next week I thought a lot about what I could do to understand what was blocking us from making progress. When we began our next meeting, I started to ask the same two questions when he interrupted and said, his father and he had decided to sell the business to a key employee. He explained that his father had lost interest in the business and began spending less and less time in it. And, admitted that he never really liked the business and regretted that his father had talked him into starting it in the first place. He concluded by answering the two questions ."I have no interest in the business and never felt motivated enough to do what was necessary to make it a real success.
The take away from this experience is pretty straight forward if you are not ready to translate your belief into a commitment, then it is highly unlikely you'll achieve a satisfactory result. I'm not sure how much or whether he still blames his father for what happened but in the final analysis, it was always his choice to make. Being self aware is important to making good decisions about the challenges we are prepared to take on. But being honest with ourselves in the assessment is critical. This client moved on with his life and thanked me for pushing him through the coaching process to the point of clarity. He felt it saved him thousands of dollars and who knows how much time, pursuing something he knew he didn't want.
So! If what you're doing begins to feel like work and your decisions don't appear to be getting you what you really want .stop and ask yourself, "why did I choose this and what am I missing that would make me feel like jumping out of bed in the morning?"
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Thanks! Norm Gauthier